Problems

Supposedly, Ellen DeGeneres is embodying in life that I'm not good enough for my dad's youngest sibling/sister and her daughter.  She's mostly been a single mom.  I feel she is saying I'm a bad person.  She's using the need to justify my anger to the extreme.

She thinks my values aren't good enough for how attractive they are.  Everyone else tells me I'm sweet, smart, and shy.  Why would Ellen not trust me for who I am?

I've said it's cuz my mom is Asian and my dad is born in 1950.

It's also prejudice about dark hair.  Either, dark hair can be good or it can't be.  I've mostly wanted white blonde hair and sometimes gold hair.

I don't think it's excusable to say this if it's not true just to punish me, neither.

Being called sweet, smart, and shy so often when being judged or asked about in school, I don't see how Ellen doing this is okay.  I mean, like, it feels shouting in my face.  She thinks she can ground me.  How pathetic.  She wants people to respond to her like a parent.  Things got messed up.  I don't think I'm messed up.

So, it also boils down to that I used to curse about hurtful, illegal noises in my room that she supposedly put there.

Ellen keeps thinking it makes sense, too, apparently, that I was bad to her and bad before that.

Last time I visited with my dad's youngest sister, I think we went to Downtown Disney and had a nice time.  I see my dad's oldest sister, too.  I think this is Ellen's sweeping chance to get at me, probably thinking my youngest aunt having a kid means I shouldn't have a relationship with her.

I think that's mean to assume you can control my life with such reasonings and playing around with how true those reasonings are.

I feel my privacy has been abused.  I'm not supposed to be raided in my own home.

How am I ugly compared to my aunt when my life is going good?  I think it's the black hair.  I didn't want black hair.  Actually, it's brown in the light or highlighted.  I like my aunt, but we look different.  My oldest aunt they were joking how we look alike, even her being that old.  I take it this was another joke.

So, why is Ellen being so vicious?

There are other people I lost in my life, as well, around now, and I can only think that Ellen did it or it was a group effort.  This is pathetic.  Why do people listen?  And I feel so bad in the home.  I'm too old to feel at home in a college, too, not sure where I'm going sometimes.

I thought of some things before I woke up.  I came home and took a shower and went to bed.  I forget, now.

I think Ellen thinks I think I'm in all the drama saying my aunt's not too good for me.  She got really mad and just totaled.  She wants me to think other people are more important and like I never was nice to others.  She got this talking to my aunt.  I was upset at what my oldest aunt relayed about what Ellen did.  I basically felt that if I didn't see my youngest aunt for her good was okay, but I was upset at being told that was how things stood by Ellen.  I was told it was my aunt's fault and it was okay I slipped and didn't like what Ellen did and just to deny that.  I can't deny things like that.  I guess that was an advance taken on me, as well.

So, I don't curse about her like I used to.  She's still upset.  Anyway, I said what she did was hurtful and  illegal.  It's my freedom, too.  I didn't wanna call the police cuz I liked it kinda, but they were using it to be mean, now.

I'm depressed and getting old.  Soon, I'll be over the hill.  If I am modest and say I'm not young anymore, people seem to flash by in enforcement of that depressing thought.  I don't like how 10 years of my life is down the drain cuz I was kicked outta my college major after 1 year.  I wasn't even online, yet.  Orlando is so crazy.  I could not think and keep getting in trouble near when the hurricane came and we had to move here.  It's little things like money, school, the internet.  I didn't mean to do anything bad.  My life is now like of an orchestra reciting these things like I'm just a bad person and always proved to be when I haven't.

So, I'm not trying to be mean to Ellen DeGeneres.  I just feel she keeps introducing things about me lined up because of this that are negative.  She's the one being mean to me just because she's also nice or something.

I don't wanna be told I'm not gonna make it, that I have poor values, etc.  I'm on psychotic pills and other pills and it makes me tired.  It's hard to wake up to my still unorganized room and change my clothes and put on makeup when I'm not going anywhere.  I stopped posting as many pictures online, but I am sure this is all using how I look to make me look bad.  They think people who are not glamorous in how they look are evil.  I used to want to look natural and now wear makeup but was not ugly.  Something made me look more Asian in glasses, tho.  It's like all that time before didn't pay off, one tick and I'm Asian.  I feel the pressure.

Why can't people who really see me just act normal?  They think I'm bad, some of them.  I hope in the end, my life is more comfortable.  Without the insults via people experimenting on me and altering my life for the worse.

So, about the point, why am I really so bad I should not even see my youngest aunt?  It seems likes something was said here.  It might just be a fake punishment.  Just see if there's some other reason that makes sense maybe.  Something that doesn't say I'm not worth it.  Why do other people like to talk to me?  They seem desperate to set out to get you, like it's their call of duty.  Do you think I want that g** look like hey my dad is born in 1950.. and like that's why I look so much like an exaggerated set of tubes with nothing interesting about me? like that's what I want?  No, that's how it happened.  It's not what I found desirable.  Part of it is this, me being told I'm not good enough.  I'm being taken advantage of as a living being.  A lotta people have this issue and probably are tired of it.

So, why shouldn't I see my younger aunt?  Something I did?  Me being ugly?  What about the other relationships that are lost or ruined now cuz Ellen said so or some group effort?  It's like my happiness has been taken away.  I'm sure in the end it's just cuz Ellen thinks I was bad.  She shouldn't be able to control that.  It sounds very suggestive and like a snap judgement sorta.  She might not mean it but has to always display I'm in trouble.  That's upsetting.  If she can do whatever she wants, why am I always treated unfairly?

You know, I didn't make a big deal of it.  She just got really mad.  I don't know it all, but I do know she said something suggestive, that she doesn't care if I ever get an Oscar.  I do wanna perform but do not expect such an award.  So, different ideas come into play, more ranting about being attractive or not.  It's very suggestive in such a way.  She also made a big deal that my dad should have nothing to do with Star Wars and Charlie Brown but thinks others can.  I saw her smile about it, too.  Is that a hint of a threat?  Ellen thinks I lost it, but I was just upset.  She wants to know who did it if it wasn't me.  She thinks dad makes me have it in me to do that.  I really don't approve, but I don't mean anything inappropriate.  What she said was wrong, but maybe that was just my oldest aunt.  My family is not the ones trying to attack her, and it's easy to see.  I think the blame on my family needs to stop.

She also got mad I was upset that my breast blew up and hers was petite.  I just thunk it, said nothing.  She didn't care and now she's like raging mad and thinks she has something big to hold in against me.  These little things, no one ever cared to prevent them.  See, I just thunk, and now it's a big deal.  There's always some explanation.  She can't help but be mean to me, but sometimes like this it just seems depressing and when you can destroy relationships.

Also, I do like gymnastics and ballet.  I told my mom something mean to my dad when we were alone about things like that, but Ellen knows and now I'm in trouble probably.  Something exciting is coming to Orlando, auditions for The Lion King and Aladdin.  I'm finding myself enrolling in modern dance classes when I did like gymnastics and ballet my whole life.  It just seems strange and set up.  It seems like a good idea, tho.  I'm in adult gymnastics right now, too, and was also hoping for expensive singing lessons.

I try not to get upset, but sometimes in the moment things seem different but always have some reason or excuse.  Sorry about it, but these things need to be prevented more.  People in Orlando do crazy things.  It's hard to have  a sense for what's appropriate.

I can't seem to find a point other than that Ellen is mean and things like crazy, etc., like she's not fully formed and has open anger.  She just connects the dots and is missing something.  These are incomplete thoughts acted upon.  She still does it, tho.

Also, she went ahead and acted like she was special like my youngest aunt and I am trashy.  That's not really nice.  Neither is what was said before.  Why is that okay?  Was there a reason?

I dunno about this.  I'm not having an unnecessary fit about it but feel like I'm considered bad, I do not matter, and problems still to come whereas before in life wasn't like this.  I'm being approached for my mixed race, like coming up to surprise me with things.  Like, okay okay, you don't like that sorry I don't mean it like that.

You know another excuse she actually uses is that other people would be mean to me, anyway.  She's mad at me a lot.  People use that a lot, that people would be mean to me, anyway.  Like, they think if they do it 1st it won't be as bad.  Things weren't like that before.

Sorry if I did anything crazy in Orlando!  I feel like I've been sucked into a black hole.  It was hard adjusting.  My infamy is so big I can't seem to adjust further.  Moreso, sorry if anyone's feelings were hurt.  Not sure what can be said of that end.

You know, I feel compared to Ellen they act like she's the one who's vibrant and youthful and I'm like an ugly, useless person caught up in details.  I feel that constantly, like she's soaking in that end.

It feels so open like people are setting me up to eventually look in trouble.  They play around when I am not upset and try to confuse me I feel.  I hope I find a better life.  People need fresh air and variety in life.

Sorry if I am rude, stupid, etc.

So, I wonder.

"She 'as moved on."

I didn't really mind about her relationship with Bella Thorne.  That's her decision.  What should I do to get my life to be nice?

Problems

It seems that Ellen DeGeneres has said that she's about paying attention to Bella Thorne to tease me/us.  She escalates approval of her.  She thinks I'm worth nothing unless I pay attention about her.  It's not really fun to have her come up like I'm in trouble and deserve nothing out of fear others around me have, like life is governed by this.

What do you think?  That's like someone opening their mouth at you.

My dad burns out in his flippant attitude about me sometimes.

If this is all true, it seems like a burnout way to live and attack someone.  "Nonsensical 'dribble.'"

What should I do?  Read into Ellen DeGeneres still?  What if everyone I know treats me like this?  What if I'm hunted down and get secret messages to bother just me like it's my fault if I can't stand it and get upset sometimes?

She acts like she's perfectly fine.  However, she hates on me cuz she attacked me supposedly by having someone put hurtful, illegal, bothering noises in my room and I cursed about it eventually and got into trouble.  I don't wanna live like Jacob Marley.  Just because people are not perfect does not make Ellen DeGeneres right about being mean to them and thinking she's better.  She has often been acting like some people can be worth more than others, tho, like something that gets at you/me in the silence maybe after some remote secret message.  I did think Ellen DeGeneres is a good person.  I know this is more than one person after me.  Today, I told my parents they were acting funny and inquired, to quell my escalating loss of control over my anger and the potential.

Look, I just heard a car go by that bothered me and make me feel less stimulated.  You can't keep doing this to me, hurting me in undetectable/unreportable ways that even my therapist does not respond to.

I can't sit here and do a 360 degree explanation of this work of art, like a statue, but you get the idea!

No offense to anyone, sorry if it seems so.

Problem

They are rubbing in people I don't like to me.  My dad did it taking me home from Christmas confession at church.

Problem

I can't live life like it doesn't matter and I don't.  Just because I cursed about hurtful, illegal noises Ellen DeGeneres seemed to claim she put there, nothing good comes to me.  So, when will these bad things cease to occur?  Is Ellen the ghost of Christmas future?  Are these bad people the 1 as God to you?

Problem

I keep getting secret messages concerning EllenDeGeneres wanting me to not feel good or something they say.  They can be radical now.

Problem

I am here to report something and they messed around with the page not loading.

I was told I got a threat from Ellen DeGeneres about if anyone here makes me feel good.  Several disasters have occurred.  That means she must have been lying before.  It might just be a group effort.  I did think it was "stupid" like others would or do about other things that you switch around "I did it" and "I didn't do it," tho I am not trying to call anyone that.  I know the people experimenting on me are being mean now, too, so maybe it's a group effort.

Problem

My dad is suggesting someone in my life to be mean.  He's been acting tacky saying things that make no sense.

Problem

Look, what's your problem.  Quit it?  They showed something suggestive to make the front of my face look black.

Problem

My mom made noises that made my face look how I didn't like on one side, like a young black girl in a way I did not want.  I was upset and the words "n*****" and "k***" came up.  They made another noise and the other side losened up, as well.  Things were okay before that.  They think if I have a problem I want more of the meanness that caused it.  I'm not gonna live to fight *beep* like that.  How is this possible?  I can deal with it somehow but am sure it's bad.

Problem

They are coordinating mean things because they kept pursuing me with someone I like being mean constantly over and over for a long time and the word "k***" came to mind.

My mom keeps acting mean and won't stop, and so is my dad.  I should be out of this house, but things were okay before Tim Burton.  Thanks for stealing my family.  You had to have some thing, so they gave it to you.  No offense to anyone.

Because I just said I wanted to do dance they are acting like this maters and I can't dance.  I'm signing up for 5+ hours a week.  This is so pathetic.  You can't just knock down anything big in my life if you attack me and I get upset.  I don't have problems and don't hurt those who do!

Problem

I am getting that something is trying to do something bad to my possible future kids.

Problem

I heard a tick tell me to do something, something mean.

Strange Message

It was like something said if I don't do something something else won't happen, and it's all mean.  They are just playing around.

Problem

They're all giddy and annoying saying I can never have anything I like because, like this time the beating at me, if I think of a bad word.  Whatever I'm into at the time can get taken away.

Problem

Sometimes, I just can't stand to be around some people and leave.

They are behaved in the bus, mostly African American people.

Problem

My mom seems mad to me all the time sometimes.

Someone I like is being so mean and probably instilling this for her to do.

Problem

They keep telling me I'm bad for something I did, every day.

Problem

They keep distracting me with negative things, supposedly from people I like.

Problem

They are all hooting I can't be famous like I want.

Problem

Everyone keeps rubbing in someone to me to hurt me/possible future kids.

Problems

They said I did something bad and should not be in a traveling musical, like I decided now.

Problems

Now, it is said Bella Thorne gets what I was supposed to get.  They even made an example of it.

Supposedly, someone else I like thinks they're in charge and made this possible.

Problem

They're saying other things now.

Problem

Someone I like took back something nice they said to me.

I didn't do anything.  Every morning I wake up, she acts like "it's not it" that day.

She just made up what she thought was a legitimate reason.

Sending Out an Apology

An Asian man with his son made me uncomfortable, but I didn't know he was Asian..

What It Was

I was countering my mom's attacks, shoulda tried harder to ignore.

I don't find this okay..

Apologies

I can't seem to stop thinking bad words sometimes but do not mean nor want to think them.

Just a Check

If I did anything wrong, you can let me know and I can change that.

Ruined/Ruin Relationships

I lost/got ruined 4 major relationships to my life this past few weeks.

Something about this experience was not meant to be.  I mess up, they have been watching, it's hard, it's over.  I still have my life to lead.  I must think more positively.  Leaving the room seems better than not, sometimes.

So, I dunno..  People, have fun with other people who supposedly have it easier.

Issue

I hope my dad is feeling better.  He kept upsetting me with his attitude.

Problem

This person won't stop!

Problem

They keep acting like it's true.

Problem

They are pretending someone I like is being mean to me but doesn't make sense.  They are giving *everything* to Bella Thorne and nothing to me that I earned.  This person doing this is just lazy and wants to show off how mean they can be to me.

I was just checking on my post about her.

Used

They acted like someone used all of someone else up.

I've always been the good one.

You all are mean.

I can wake up with a bright/smart attitude to greet the day, and it will always be ruined.

Problem

My mom is acting like she's pounding her pride at me like I did something.  She was being mean like she was all that and I thought she was "nothing" for being so but didn't say it.  What can I think.  People keep making a force surrounding me where they press my buttons.  They won't stop!  My dad and mom and others.  They are analyzing me for what I did and not my parents and others for being mean to me.  I was trying to eat.  It sounds like she thinks Ellen DeGeneres said she could act all out, like I've seen others in my life do who are mean to me who I like.

Problem

My mom said I was a day and I could not see her/someone she is being in September.

THIS HAS TO STOP

Problem

I'm trying to escape my parents, and here she is in the laundry.

Problem

My mom wants that which I don't want to be as popular as Ellen DeGeneres herself.  Impossible, anyway.

What?

Why are people talking to me all of a sudden when they are mad at me?

Problem

My mom won't stop.  Trying to be cool with others who have something against me.  She doesn't wanna get hurt by them.  See, they are threatening my life.  How can I stop it?

Problem

Everyone is honing in on me like vultures like I'm nothing jumping on the bandwagon.. saying I'm not worth talking to and saying someone else or the people who experiment are the ones worth talking to.

Problem

My mom is rubbing in someone with my possible future daughter and separating out Bella Thorne to an idea of paradise.  No one can tell me mean things like that and say everything's okay for others-because it has to be okay for everyone..  What's with the highlight of the comparison saying things are cool for me?

Problem

My dad acted like he was someone else saying to m********* all to where my possible future daughter is, and it affected me, like a pouring feeling as he did it.  Same with the traffic thing before.  It made the words, "K*** such and such," very remotely come to mind and maybe stronger one of those times, not wanting to think it actually.  I was upset and I guess it triggered something people do in Orlando, admit something and then deny it, just to get it to not foster and grow.  It shouldn't happen, tho.  My dad was right there, and I believe it was also him.  He must have a great hatred for me.  Also, at church, something happened that seemed threatening.

Well, I'm sorry that thought came up, but I didn't want to think that and of course did not mean it.

Your Issue About Me Concerning Ellen DeGeneres Recently

This post is about you thinking about me being upset recently thinking Ellen DeGeneres did something to me but not because I posted it online.

I just was upset that she really was doing mean things behind my back, as shed light on by my oldest aunt.  I didn't mean any harm, just upset at all the mean things that had been done to me by whoever, supposedly people claim probably Ellen DeGeneres.  Secret messages that are hard to remember.

Whoever did that, it shouldn't have been done.  Don't go telling me I'd mean offense to if someone didn't do something very mean.  Whoever did it and if that's what and how it was done.  I did think of her in some form a lot because it seemed true.  My therapist says she doesn't know/talk to me.

However, since my life is an experiment, it's not stupid for me to say these things.  Ellen DeGeneres acts like she does and doesn't at different times, anyway.  I guess that's the ultimate escape.  She justifies it, too.

So, whoever it is needs to be stopped.  How can it be if they said they had me cornered experimenting/spying on me in private?  They tell everyone to give and take with me.

There, this post is pretty clean while including what's been thrown at me.  I guess you could infer negativity.  That's too bad.

Commercials

It sounds like someone is acting like Ellen DeGeneres told them to relay an insulting secret message.  That foot smoothing commercial, sounds like "Ah Ma Pay."  They said something about "advanced choir" in relation to others's foot-smoothing.

I saw one that's local, and they think that if something I think is questioned that I'm not good enough for Orlando.  They just bring up something that comes up.

Problem

I was framed this week to lose/"ruin" my 2 favorite relationships here, supposedly cuza my grandma.  She likes to test people and then tell us later it was a test and she doesn't do that, just to get people in trouble.  She says it was meant to be.  My oldest aunt, who she lives with, was here this week.

Problem

People in Orlando are hunting me down.  They can't take it when I'm not there to be hurt.

Problem

I feel stimulated in a bad way by my dad and he almost ran over my foot and fell asleep at the light or something.

Problem

They just keep attacking me if they find fault.  They alter something in major social media as a reminder.  How spoiled is that?

Problem

My dad takes me places, too.

Oh, really?

It's some group effort.

Problems

Supposedly, Ellen DeGeneres is making it so I can't encounter cool people and have to be stimulated inappropriately by my dad.  I don't wanna play around maybe she did it maybe she didn't.  I have the right to post about it without feeling threatened.

I came home from church and the grocery store, and I had to stay inside and put my food away rather than help bring it all in cuz my dad kept trying to stimulate me.  It was painful in the car.

I got a bone to pick with this.

So, someone is trying to stimulate me inappropriately.  It comes in like that.  It's not just the people experimenting on me.

How am I supposed to live a good quality life and keep relationships online?

I know they couldn't live like this.

I'm not trying to make a problem, just noticed this.

Problem

They keep acting "***" leaving me negative messages all the time.

They are trying to get me and to feel stimulated by them inappropriately/sinfully.

It seems like it always has to happen.  I don't have much peace.  Just know they do this like it doesn't matter just for me.

They keep pressuring me and want me to admit I'm bad in my thoughts.  They are promoting it as good and acting like I'm just some thing and they get to make bases to annoy me.  I don't like this.  I think this is for my dad or grandma, the way people are strangely nice and then go mean.  A lotta people in my generation have this problem.

I don't wanna be picked at being made to feel I am bad all the time, like I'm torn down daily like some statue.

Everyone is under the radar to annoy me.

I already said I disagree, and they keep fighting that.  It just pops up out of nowhere.

My point in this post is that I have people out there who have mixed emotions about me.

Like, the *** messages like it's all that to get it out on me for their insecurities I have encountered.

I feel like I'm being whipped for like not being pretty growing up or something.

Their stimulating me inappropriately and acting like it's okay, like, all the time.

Their trying to make me feel like a sinner and hurting me rather than believing me.

Setting me up and pretending about what happened.

Then, for some reason me saying what happened is wrong, like this.  Maybe, some of what I said has been pointed to something to be made worse for me.  I just keep getting on a role.  I noticed the inappropriate stimulation.  I'm sorry if I've offended anyone before, but I didn't mean to.  Guess I messed up.  This doesn't seem right, tho.  I didn't do what they did to me.  Did you know they believe that if I have a problem with something that even if that thing is wrong it was the cause for my finding a problem with them and try to scare me about it?

You know, something just gave me an idea to write this.  I think the little insults are meant to be traps.  I talk about it or something and they think I need a bigger problem to get used to.  However, there's no time for me to make progress in my life, real work.  It's all about rich, snobbish people rattling on about who everyone is until Doomsday comes.

Maybe, I should appreciate what seems like secret messages and then forget about it I guess.

It's my dad, too.

He makes sure I don't feel good.

A Mutual Consensus

Someone's life is based on hurting me.

Problem

They take everything so seriously because they have believed they are on top.

No..

Why would they think I would like to be stimulated negatively?

Problems

I keep getting back from someone that they're gonna keep being mean to me.

Problems

Do you know people who threaten you if you don't do/think what they say?  That's pretty camp.

Then, there's when people say you've already succumbed and who harm you thinking that means your submission.

I feel as tho every thing that makes me happy people think I don't deserve.  Like, the dance stuff, maybe even drinking water.

I'm not living to fear others who insist I've messed up and it's not okay cuza who I am and, moreso, who I'm not, supposedly.  None of this should hit a nerve in anyone.  If it does please come out right now.  That's dangerous.  Sound familiar?  That's how I'm treated.  I am sick of hearing of this stuff!  Can a person fear a threat and find something useless?  The Bible says that's wrong, too.  I know people secretly disobey that which they proclaim as right, like this.  They change the rules when dealing with a mixed race person, someone who can act European, probably, but is not allowed.  People are so vicious in wanting to be treated white.  They snap back like a snake in the grass!  I guess they aren't any better than other people in their desires at least.  You have to let people be who they want, and that includes other races.  Why am I on psychotic pills and told I am schizo?  Seems like most other people have the problem with the way things are and are becoming in the good change.  Sometimes, I worry people don't care about others, too.  Do you know people who have problems with everything?  I also don't like people who think everything others do means "d****."  If I can make something of my life, it should not be disposed of, regardless of who exists in the universe.  I just know things have not been perfect.  I find some of this amusing.  I have a problems blog and don't post every problem.  It seems, no matter what I do, I will just get trapped and attacked by the ways of the world and nice people who do it to stay popular/with a good reputation.   A lot of what I say is right and I still live miserably, like that's okay.  It's like they've wanted to say anything could make something seem right or wrong and they made their decision already, reveling in me seeming to be begging them, who for some reason have the ability to alter my life.  Some pretty mean stuff happened.  Yes, I feel threatened illegally.  No one should have to do this.  Some of it seems like a tradeoff, but it's still not okay.  People never tell me when they have a serious problem, and then I get in trouble anyway.

Some things aren't as bad, but I think people want to be punishing me.  I just run into issues in my personal life.  Some people are unbearably mean to me and it's hard to encounter some.

Apology for Anyone Innocent

I probably went off the edge being upset since my aunt came and she shed light on how people are hating me.  Not really, but it can be seen that way.

Apology

I think I was being too critical of someone in others's view, but I thought I was just commenting on things I didn't cause, like, or something.

I was also wondering why I would have to not imagine people as caricatures, like it's offensive in my private thoughts.  It helps me understand what people actually envision of themselves, maybe, or recept what they did in a mean way.

Apology

Sorry if negative thoughts come to me.  I didn't mean what is a big deal now.  It's not ever what I meant.  I just wanted to stop those silly thoughts.  I'm being told I did something and said something.  I didn't.  It just seemed like it with things getting at me.  I was on a walk.  You know, like a word coming up.

Problem

My dad keeps bothering my mom, like now when he finds out something I have thought he doesn't agree with having been thought or something.

He's mean to me and denies it sometimes, and he probably uses the excuse my mom is harsh on me for his liking to hurt her emotionally.

He is acting racist now supposedly because I watch Ellen DeGeneres, as tho she told him to do it or it's for her.  He's being overly protective of his family, as well.

I don't need my dad following my every thought and maneuvering my life for me.

Being Good

When you are good, pressure should be taken off or you'll emotionally suffocate.

Before and Now

Why was it easier before to not think things you shouldn't, whereas now negativity is prevalent to me?  When a negative thought comes up for some reason, people are mean to me.

Also, sometimes I think things and people take them as complete messages.  Then, I can't explain what I really think, which is my own business as is for anyone.  It's too late.

People seem to like life to be a test, where you have to challenge thoughts quickly using initial reactions when pushed meanly in if you are able to "think straight."  So, they are testy and catch you confused and with thoughts put in your mind by others.  Me, tho, sometimes I just think things I don't mean how it seems, piece for piece.  I don't go back and can't go back because it's too late.  I've been *caught*, already.

Some of this doesn't seem easy to solve.  It just makes me have to sacrifice.

Furthermore, I do feel my thoughts or that I am being pushed.  I can feel it.  Maybe, I need to think in new ways.